How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber

Author:Adele Faber [Faber, Adele]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-06-204641-3
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2005-01-16T16:00:00+00:00

The Stories

When parents took the time to sit down with their teenagers and try out their new problem-solving skills, they experienced a number of new insights. Here are the highlights of what they reported:

Karen: Problem-solving can help you learn what’s really going on.

When I left the session last week, I didn’t know whether Stacey would even be willing to talk to me. There was so much bad feeling between us. But as soon as I did the very first step of “the method”—you know, really listening to her point of view and accepting all her feelings—she turned into another person. Suddenly she was telling me things she never would have told me before.

I found out that one of the boys was Jessie’s new boyfriend, and that she was laughing and being silly and hanging all over him, and that when he offered her a cigarette she took it and smoked it.

I didn’t say a word. I just listened and nodded my head. Then she told me that the boys had a six-pack with them, and when they finished that, they started looking around for something else to drink. One of them found the liquor cabinet, and they both helped themselves to some Scotch. They tried to talk the girls into having “a shot,” but only Jessie did.

Boy, did I have to exercise self-control! But I’m glad I did, because the more we talked, the more I understood where Stacey was coming from. I could see that part of her was excited by the whole experience, but mostly I think she was scared and overwhelmed.

Just knowing that made the rest of our discussion a lot easier. I didn’t have to spend time explaining how I felt (Stacey already knew my views about smoking and drinking), and it didn’t take long for us to come up with a list of solutions. Here’s what we both agreed to:

No boys allowed in the house unless parents are home.

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